Freaking Out

So after my first medical school interview on Monday, I've been going absolutely insane.  Not that I think it went poorly, I just honestly have no idea how "good" or "bad" the interview went.  Visiting the institution also made me realize I lot of things about my life.  Most importantly: I have no idea what is about to happen next.

For the past five years of my life, I have been building up to this point: getting accepted to medical school.  While I am not exactly there yet, I have never looked beyond this point.  I have never thought of where I will be living, getting my first apartment, having to buy a car, whether I'll even need to buy a car, what medical school I will go to...  All of these unknown variables are starting to freak me out.

I have always planned every step of the way; now my path is nearing its end and there are so many unanswered questions that I cannot even begin to plan the next part of my life.  This lack of control and feeling of complete vulnerablity has progressively been overwhelming me to the point that I almost burst out crying in class last night.

Luckily, through all of this chaos that is about to begin, I have amazing little sisters, caring parents, awesome Thetas, and a loving boyfriend.  I'm fairly certain that without them I would go insane.  Thanks to several great talks with sisters last night, I am getting focused.  I spent the morning in the library and the afternoon in the main hub on the Quad.  I figured out what I want to do for my Masters final paper (exploring selective reduction after in vitro fertilization and practicing single-embryo transfer as a better alternative, keeping in mind maternal health, fetal health, and women's reproductive autonomy), found lots of articles on the subject, and printed off many of them.

I hope this is a trend that I can continue for the rest of the semester, but the next 2 weeks look absolutely ridiculous.  Lots of traveling, 3 medical school interviews, and leaving for Amsterdam 12 hours after I get back from my last interview.  Ridiculous.

I still haven't heard from 9 schools, and at this point I am guessing I will not hear anything good from them.  Hopefully everything goes well with these interviews.  I need to know what lies ahead.